In a contentious block buster deal, the storied Liverpool Premier League Team was finally sold to the sporting group that owns the financially successful Boston Red Sox for a little over $476 million, just enough to bail out the Bank of Scotland who was on the hook for the loan from former troubled owners.
Mired in a legal morass, the club has sunk recently during the 3 year reign of former US owners Tom Hicks and George Gillett, Jr., not being able to return to their former glory.
Not only have they stunk up the pitch to the dismay of their fans, they have been 'shite' off the field as well according to heartbroken fans.
"Nothing to write about here, ' said Sun Sports Writer Myran Cutnpaste,' them lads are as pure as the driven snow....no wags, no sex workers, no dust ups in the pub after hours.....bunch of pussies if you ask me...no fire...no passion, as they say in Boston, "They Suck!"
John Henry, spokesman for the new owners say that's about to change. He mentioned Wayne Rooney's desire for a new contract, the hint Beckham has expressed interest in coming out of retirement, and John Terry talking about getting back in the 'dating game' as reasons for fans to think that hope is on the horizon.
Henry is non committal regarding the fate of manager Roy Hodgson, preferring to wait till after this week's game, but said "we should have some news by Oct 24 when we take on Blackburn...'.prepare for some Shock & Awe' he said mysteriously.
Rumours are swirling that Red Sox Legend Carl Yastrzenmki has expressed some interest in a managerial position. Former Met and Japanese League Manager Bobby Valentine, who has proven he has international experience managing a team that can't speak English, and dark horse retiring LA Dodger Manager Joe Torre, who led the NY Yankees to a host of fall classic wins, have also been mentioned.
Reports of a new stadium may be 'premature' said Henry, "there's always the option to refurbish Anfield the American way. We're talking to Disney about incorporating a theme park, with Hard Rock to install a Disco, and of course, even though winter is just round the bend, a giant water slide could also help sell tickets!"
Henry said they will also be introducing exploding scoreboards, real RED New England Hotdogs with natural casings, fried clams, and Boston Creme Pie at the concessions and of course some 'Real Beer"...."it'll be Sam Adams of course," said Henry, "it's about time the fans got a taste of the way we do business in the US....we expect a right riot at our first home game, the way it used to be, the way the fans deserve action in the stands to be...hang around,
it's going to be Kick Ass Great!"