The Spoof Rating System Changes from Stars to Thumbs Up, Ousted Stars Protest

Written by Gail Farrelly

Friday, 20 August 2010

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"Out, damn'd stars! out, I say!"

The UK headquarters of The Spoof was the scene of a major protest yesterday. Ever since The Spoof ratings system was changed -- having readers rate stories with thumbs up rather than stars -- the stars had been quietly fuming.

They had been forced into early retirement a few weeks ago, with no dignity at all. They were escorted by guards from their desks to the door of The Spoof headquarters. But yesterday, they were back en masse, banging on the front door of The Spoof headquarters, saying they weren't satisfied with their severance benefits and shouting in unison, "Hell no, we won't go."

Mark Lowton, owner of The Spoof, was unsympathetic to the plight of the stars. With a dismissive flick of his wrist, he tried to send the poor stars on their way. They didn't budge. Then Lowton, fancying himself a modern-day Lady Macbeth, screamed, "Out, damn'd stars! out, I say!" and chased the stars down the street. "It was quite a sight," claimed one onlooker. "All those poor little stars, running as fast as their little points could carry them, and a big red-faced guy running after them."

Meanwhile, The Spoof thumbs up have complaints of their own about working conditions. Union rep Tom Thumb told a group of reporters: "YOU try making a fist and then holding your thumb up all the time. See how you like it. And remember this is 24/7, with no days off." He added, "We need rest periods when we can simply relax our hands and even give a few thumbs down if we happen to feel like it." Mr. Thumb paused a minute to relax and stretch the fingers of his hand. Then he continued, "And if we don't get what we want, there will be hell to pay." He then startled onlookers by flipping the bird in the direction of the executive offices of The Spoof! Uh-oh.

Stay tuned for further developments in the Star-Thumbs saga. It's only just begun.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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