January 5 2012 - Who could have thonk it? When Linda McMahon an unknown around political circles won the republican nomination for senator from Connecticut back in August 2010. Nobody thought she would ever become president of the United States. Well it happened. As soon as Linda McMahon and Sara Palin abandoned the republican/tea party and created "the fallopian tube party" their journey began.
At her first press briefing from the white house. She addressed the media and took some questions. She said "first question please"
"Mrs. president how will you reduce the 28 trillion dollar deficit Obama left for your administration.
"First of all" she answered, "I will never raise taxes. Americans work to hard for their money and is not fair to keep picking their pockets."
To balance the budget we need to raise money through the voting process. From now on. Any citizen who wants to vote needs to re-register. They would first need to apply for a voting registration card. This registration would carry a fifty dollar fee. Once the voter is approved to take part in the election there will be a one hundred dollar poll fee to be collected at the voters designating voting area.
Our deficit is humongous so we need to commercialize the electoral process as well. From now on all election coverage on TV will be on a pay per view basis.
When asked about her energy strategy Linda replied "Is all about steroids and amphetamines. Americans have become too lazy, they depend on their cars too much. We need to cut our energy consumption. No more driving to the grocery store or work. There will be a 25 mile car destination restriction. Any trip below the twenty five miles will result in a twenty five dollar ticket. Which will arrive on the mail the next day.
Any additional mile below the 25 mile limit will cost an additional 10 dollars. A nationwide Ez_Paz camera system will be installed to police this law. To make it easier for our citizens every single American will have to deposit a $3,000.in their ez-pazz account.
Every time a citizen violates the aforementioned law such. person will become criminal citizen. The penalty money will be discounted from their account.
Is highly recommended that each family purchase bicycles and snickers. So they can navigate within the 25 miles limit. This will cut on our foreign energy dependence and give our country about one trillion dollars a year in extra revenue. The exercise you get will also help lower your health insurance rates. Cause you will be healthier. The great thing about my plan is that we will not be raising your taxes.
When somebody asked about the immigration problem Linda responded. "during the pay per view elections. A pinata beating contest will take place. A group of 5 illegal immigrants will be put in a sack and each politician who is running for office will get a Louisville slugger and have a 5 minute swinging session. The candidate that delivers the most punishment, get the more screams out of them and draw the most blood will win that part of the debate. Besides that who the hell will want to sneak into this country after this new laws
A minuteman who was quietly sitting on the back room. said "I have a follow up question on the illegal immigration problem "How do you feel about "The Wall" Linda who was not well versed in southwestern politics replied. I like "Dark Side of the Moon" better. The bearded, tobacco-chewing long hair hippie-looking country fellow. Mumbled to himself " "I be damn, I've just been profiled"
Sean hannity who is now a Fox news correspondent and occupies Helen Thomas front seat, Was angry. "Mrs. President", "I disagree with everything you said. I've been a supporter of yours throughout the campaign but frankly you are scarring me.You sound like a socialist. Before Hannity could say anything else President Linda order Seann to get up his front sit and go to sit on the back. Sean refused to move. Security had to come in the briefing room and force him out the seat.
As they were escorting him to the back the frantic Hannity kept yelling. I'm sorry Mrs. president please forgive me. You are a great American, I'll give you some free tickets for a freedom concert, I'll send your a flower-gram, I'll buy you a Ruth Cris stake. The president ignored him and awarded the front row seat to Bob Bob Ucker who was siting on the back talking to Rep. Miller and Brewer.