Hosepipe Ban Lifted, now mandatory to use Hosepipes

Written by IainB

Thursday, 29 July 2010

image for Hosepipe Ban Lifted, now mandatory to use Hosepipes
Wigan, yesterday - I remember when all this used to be fields.

Restricted Utilities, the company that supplies water to the Northwest of England has announced that the hosepipe ban put in place because of a 'quite warm' June has now been lifted due to a 'slightly wet' July.

Indeed, with the Met Office spending most of July warning of probable flash floods across much of northern England, and the rain being pretty much constant, the reservoirs are now full to bursting.

"We would like to urge people to use their hosepipes as much as possible over the coming weeks," said company spokesman Mike Fawcett. "This is a safety measure to ensure that local reservoirs don't burst."

With all the recent rain, emergency measures are being put in place to relieve the pressure on dams.

"The public response to the hosepipe ban was tremendous," said Fawcett. "There were no cases of anybody using a hosepipe at all, and we hope that the public will respond equally to our request to use hosepipes more."

Local residents in Wigan are unlikely to please Fawcett.

"I'm not going to be using a hose," said Bill Jumper, 56. "Me garden's already sodden. I've not been able to mow the grass for a month, if I put a hose on it, I'm not going to be able to see it, though I would get a garden wide water feature. Bloody mad they are. You'd have thought they'd have checked the weather forecast before being so bloody stupid as to putting the ban in place to start with."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more