Utilities Company Remains United Despite Delay On Hosepipe Ban

Written by IainB

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

image for Utilities Company Remains United Despite Delay On Hosepipe Ban
That will be a grand please

A company which supplies water to many homes in the Northwest of England were set to announce a hosepipe ban for the Northwest this morning. However, the announcement has been delayed as it was raining.

"We thought that it might make us look a little foolish to announce a hosepipe ban in the pouring rain," admitted company spokesman Adam Drinkwater. "So we will be holding off making the announcement until it stops raining."

The Met Office have indicated that the Northwest will be under heavy cloud with showers interspersed with heavy rain for at least another week.

"The Met Office have informed us of the current weather conditions," Drinkwater continued, "but we all know how reliable they are, so we are expecting to go back to baking temperatures and drought conditions by Friday."

Despite the whole of the UK being blanketed under up to forty inches of snow for much of the winter, all the water that this produced has been, according to Drinkwater, misplaced.

"I know it seems unfair that we are introducing a hosepipe ban when we have just come out of the worst winter for five hundred years," said Drinkwater, "but June saw barely any rainfall, and we have to be cautious. Please remember that there is a one thousand pound fine if you're caught once the ban comes into force. I suppose we could have stored some of the snow in the fridge, but we didn't think we'd need to, so we let it run away down rivers."

The utility company denies that they are putting in place the hosepipe ban to keep reservoir levels at a sufficient depth for their lucrative water-sport camps. Instead they urge neighbours to shop their neighbours if they see neighbours using a house pipe to water neighbours gardens. Even if Neighbours is on.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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