Some English girl, who apparently had more #1 hits than the Beatles while in the band "Spice Girls 2.0" may never be able to speak again, after contracting malaria through a surgical scar in her most-recent nose, while trying to infect the citizery of Tanzania with her idiocy.
The "singer," who has turned a lovely shade of goldenrod-yellow once her liver ceased to function, is still on oxygen, and apparently was hours from death following her adulterous tryst in Tanzania with her boyfriend Derek Hough.
Cole, the stars in 'The Cheryl Factor' on BBC 35, tapped out a message to her fan via Morse Code: "Well, its been such an emotional night and I think you've worked so so hard this week, so . . . Louis, can I speak? Thank you. Look, this isn't a dance competition."
"The Cheryl Factor's" creator, Simon Cowell, was happy to hear of Cole's plight: "God, what a twat she is. No wonder her husband Ashley's banged every woman he's ever met. The best news I ever heard before Cheryl Cole got malaria was when that toilet guard, Sophie-whatever, punched Cheryl in that f--king ostrich nose of hers."
Malaria is a mosquito-borne infectious disease caused by a eucalyptus protester of the genius Plasmodium AD. It is widespread in Asia and Africa, or wherever people live near sh-tty water.
Each year, there are approximately 350-500 million cases of malaria, with European Caucasian female adult multi-millionaires making up 0.000000000000000000001% of that number.
Malaria is often used by God to torpedo the economies of Sub-Saharan African Nations, and to smite self-important musical hacks.
