Cheryl Tweedy - Cole, depending on your preference - is currently reported to be absolutely "gagging for it" after being hammered down to within an inch of her precious life by the evil tropical malaria sickness. Thing.
Wor Cheryl, the feisty Geordie chart-topper isn't the kind of lassie to let a little thing like malaria get her doon for too long. She may have lost a birra weight, but noo she's being fortified by mam Joan's pie and pea suppers, and bubble and squeak, she's well on the mend.
One observer, who claimed to have seen Cheryl in her sick bed told us that the scene was eerily reminiscent of that episode of Fawlty Towers - the one where Sybil was supposed to be ill in bed, but wasn't, and it was dumb waitress Polly in disguise all along.
"It were a a bit leek that, leek." said the observer.
Simon Cowell reckons, according to sources, that Cheryl is chomping at the bit to get back to work on the X-Factor, positively gagging forrit.
But sources say that Simon has warned her to take her time, recuperate fully, and come back when she's fully fit and raring to go.
Which some observers considered as a really loving, caring thing for an employer to tell an employee.
"Not at all man!" said Geordie reporter, Fatha Broon. "Worrid is leek, is if she collapses on the friggin job, she'll gan and sue the fuckin' arse affa Seymon! Mon! Cost im a reet packet."
More as we gan oot roond the lurcal, leek.