Following on from the recent Belfast rioting between feral youths and the Police it would appear that this phenomenon, the biggest to come out of Ireland since Riverdance, could be heading for the UK!!
Reports are coming in of major activity on the social networking website Mugbook as tens of thousands of feral deadhead youths attempt to contact their Irish brothers for tips on how to wear a mask and how to riot without falling over! It is further noted that designer stores such as, Primark and Poundland are seeing unprecedented sales of clothing and trinkets as little feral tarts kit themselves out in readiness to egg their boyfriends on.
Similarly, leading DIY stores such as B&Q, Homebase, Focus and Jewsons, plus nationwide garden centres,are also seeing record sales of stones, pebbles, rocks, bricks and paving slabs
A spokesperson for the Metropolitain Police, Winston Ishamal Ibotuttifrutti said;"De Police they not worry too much about dis pan in the flash, after alls dey bin involving in de Notting Hill Carnival for years man, matter fact if de riots turn jiggy wid it dey probably join in save de confrontations like"
All major supermarkets are also reporting unprecedented record sales of cheap booze, a spokesperson for Tesco, Ali Obi Hussain said, "We are taking every precaution necessary in the sale of alcohol to minors and have posted at least three security guards on every shop entrance to keep an eye out for the Police! Meanwhile, checkout operators are instructed NOT to sell alcohol to any youngster under the age of three years, failure to comply will mean instant dismissal or worse still, transfer to the fresh fish counter!"
Such is the buzz being created by rumours of these upcoming riots that all major TV News crews are on red alert, unofficial reports suggest that SKY's Kate Burley has stocked up with a good supply of Agent Provocateur underwear, especially open croth panties, in case she falls over during any fray and is 'exposed' to the cameras!
Even the entertainment world has caught the fever with many top line stars tripping over themselves to take part in free 'Riot Concerts'. Already signed up to appear in the London area is ace rapper and feral gang leader 'Virtigo Scamp' and the Bro's who will also perform their new smash (no pun intended) hit, "Hump Ma Ho' Bro" after smashing up what is left of Lewisham. Other acts already committed (or should be)are, Take That (please!!) with guest junkie Robbie Wiliams, Lady Ga Ga sans clothes, Tom Jones providing his zimmer frame is repaired in time, Cliff 'I say chaps' Richard, Katy Perry accompnied by Russell Brand on melody spoons, Lily 'got any feckin' weed mate? Allen and of course, U2 featuring Bonehead himself.
Any and all inner London concerts will be hosted by Jonathan Ross who was ecstatic about the entire gig, "wecweational wioting, wacko!"
Lorraine Kelly is 78 years old and pregnant with triplets!
