Brit Immigration Circles Wagons to Prevent American Indian Lacrosse Team from Competing in World Competition!

Written by Morse

Thursday, 15 July 2010

image for Brit Immigration Circles Wagons to Prevent American Indian Lacrosse Team from Competing in World Competition!
Iroquois Lacrosse Goalie 'Running Chingadera' Addresses Media After Brits Ban Team from Competition!

Britain announced today it would refuse to let 23 Iroquois Nation lacrosse players enter the country to compete in an international competition due to the fact they did not have "approved' passports.

As sovereign nations, American Indian tribes, at least the ones that still exist after suffering from imported diseases, ignored treaties, and corruption amidst the US government Indian Affairs Office, have their own passports issued by their tribal councils, and they have been accepted almost everywhere in the world.

The Iroquois Nation, which extends from northern NY state as far north as Canada had been planning to travel to Manchester for the tournament, which is held every four years, on their Iroquois Confederacy Passports.

Strangely, Britain which routinely lets in anyone from anywhere, with any agenda including welfare fraud, unlicensed medical practitioners, sedition, and a propensity to rather crap in a hole in the ground rather than a proper sanitary toilet, put an end to the dreams of the accomplished sporting team.

Lacrosse, an Native American game started over 400 years ago, provides a much more lively venue than the usual boring soccer contests that manages to provoke international frenzy every 4 years or so played by overpaid mercenary participants who rarely have any lineage connection to the country they represent on the pitch.

Lacrosse encompasses more of a high speed running and aggressive attacking game and is played with lethal netted sticks where an extremely hard cased ball is flung around with abandonment and mind boggling tricky ways as attackers attempt to hurl the sphere passed a terrified bloke tending goal.

Percey Montbatten, MP from Yeoville in charge of Asylum Requests, Council Housing, Welfare Payments and Car Hire administration for the Realm said it was all a matter of priorities.

"Right now," he said, " our priority is housing Somali Pirates and their rather large families in upscale housing and retrofitting all public buildings with Turkish Toilets which has put quite the strain on government funding, as you can imagine."

Montbatten went on to explain that certain community organizers, who he refused to name, had put pressure on the government stating that 'any more Indians in the country would certainly put a strain on cultural relations as Colonists wearing loin cloths and feathers in their hair might cause panic amongst the populace."

Unspoken was the implied threat that the American Indian Nation would use the trip to leverage their way into the profitable gaming industry in Britain.

"They control all of the legal gambling enterprises in the US," said Montbatten, "and we are very proprietary about our gambling business over here...there's no room for heathens in the business, don't you's a real gentlemen's sport over here, and we want to keep it that way!"

Martin Shuttlecock, a keen sports fan from Manchester, said he was extremely disappointed in the decision to ban the Native Americans.

"I've had me tickets for awhile now and was keen to see the lads run up and down the pitch with their sticks...I'm pretty fed up with footbul after the last mess and was lookin to find a new tribal past time....I really like the fact that in Lacrosse, the losing team is said to get scalped by the winners... now that's something I'd really like to see in person instead of on the bloody telly!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more