Adolph Bachman, the BNP candidate for Dudley in the West Midlands has emerged with all guns blazing against a satirist for everything he possesses, including his toilet seat and his prized collection of pickled eggs.
"That bastard has gone too far," Bachman raged in a press conference. "He keeps publishing anti-BNP propoganda, and he just won't leave Dudley alone. Well, we're not having it."
True blue Englishman, Bachman, backed up by his frilly shirt wearing sidekick, Turner Overdrive, vowed to bring about the downfall of the satirical website that introduced the world to such earth-shattering revelations as 'Robert Pattinson On Mars' and 'A Cat Named Beryl' by saying:
"You ain't seen nothing yet," a la Harry Enfield, circa 1993.
Bachman complained that the website was unduly and negligently hostile towards Dudley and its residents.
"It all started off with some clown who didn't have a good word in his gob to say about Dudley," Bachman explained. "Roight proper bastard he was. Got the cheek to call us racialists when he lobs cricket balls at Muslim women on buses. And he was a Yorkshireman. Them folk just don't understand the West Mids at all."
Turner Overdrive, a devotee of the Church Of Irredeemable Qualities added:
"And now them got this Skoob idiot who bangs on about Noah's bleedin' Ark and Dudley Zoo. And to make matters worse - him's a Man United fan! It's taking the piss I tells ya. There ain't nothin wrong with Dudley or the West Mids. It's roight tharrinnit our Nev?"
Our Nev then passed the microphone to his first cousin, twice removed, Eichman 'Honest Ike' Heydrich, who said:
"Ve haff vays off makink you vote BNP. Ignore ze Simian Monkey apes und zer Man United supporting Celtic Zionists, ignore even ze Scottish Republican Party. Vote for me and Zyclon B!"
Midge Ure, former lead vocalist with Ultravox and co-founder of Band-Aid, along with Bob Geldof, told us:
"Be a patriot, vote for Adolf Bachman, Turner Overdrive, and the BNP. Now give me the money. I haven't compromised myslef this badly since I sang 'Dancing With Tears In My Eyes,'
Some people are said to be thinking about it.
Look out for the sparks. They will fly.
