As a dire situation worsens, Lord Mandelson has danced into the highlights. Not satisfied with his dancing feet being splashed all over the Guardian, he has taken big steps to rescue, UK travellers stranded abroad.
With some fancy moves, he has convinced Gordon Brown to kick start a rescue mission. Labour don't need to war-war like Thatcher to win an election. They will put their best feet forward and press the Royal Navy and commercial shipping into service bringing home their voters.
UK travellers will be flown to Spain then trained or bussed to some of Spain's large ports: Bilbao, La Coruna, Vigo or Barcelona perhaps.
From there they may be trained up to the Channel Ports or embarked on ships, bound for the UK. A vote winner, if ever there was one. They will always remember who gave them hope, who brought them home, with each welcome pack wrapped in a Labour Party leaflet. A free phone card with a nice Gordon Brown family picture will also be included. They will be dancing with joy all the way home.
Anyone who discards the leaflet will be dumped back on land, far away from home. They would not vote Labour anyway, so let them get themselves home.
Special attention is being played on the Portsmouth - Bilbao ferry link. With Liverpool due to play in Bilbao very soon, and thousands of Scousers filling the ferries, they must be kept sweet. Labour can't lose the Scouser vote this might take some deft moves from Mandelson.
Labour will rise from the ashes. Mandelson - never a push over in a dance off.
