Women in Cargo Fleet, N.E. England refuse to shop at Iceland

Written by Lady Godiva

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Hey!

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Women in Cargo Fleet, N.E. England refuse to shop at Iceland
Woman 'sporting a 'South Bank Facelift'

Some Cargo Fleet Divs are refusing to get their groceries from their local 'Iceland' shop.

Neighbours, Takwana Smith, Anikapatika Jones and Sally Witherspoon, all sporting 'South Bank Facelifts' (these are 'hairstyles'. The hair is pulled up so tightly into a pony tail that their navels are now dimples on their chins and their nipples reside above their eyebrows. Eyebrowns are drawn on with a black make-up pencil) say they are definitely NOT shopping at Iceland anymore.

When asked why not, Takwana said, "Well 'ells f*****g bells man. There's a vulcanic disruption gone an' gone off at an Iceland in'i'? We'd all be pretty stupid to go to Iceland wouldn' we like?

No bugger told us that Iceland shops could be built on top of those bloody vulcanios or wo'ever yer call 'em."

Anikapatika joined in, "She's bloody right. Yer never 'erd of a valcani-what's i' going off at Tescos did yer? We'll be shoppin' at Tescos in future like. It's no' righ'. We didn' know we was puttin our lives in danger shoppin at Iceland like. Yer know wo' A mean like."

Sally put in her twopenneth worth, "See, we're not freakin stupid just coz we don' 'ave our GCSE's. A nearly go' one bu' me pencil broke an' Takwana couldn't sit 'er GCSE's coz she was 'aving 'er twins like.

Our lad's kicking off now coz A can't get 'is favourite frozen foods. See - they only sell 'em at Iceland. A told 'im, Arm not risking me freakin' life for 'im. 'E can get tha' tart 'e's knockin' off, to ge' 'is bloody fish if 'e's so desperate can' 'e? Bollocks to 'im."

When our reporter tried to explain that Iceland was a country and not a chain of shops, Anikapatika said,

"Yer jokin' arn yer? We're no' tha' stupid. We've been goin' to Iceland for yers now an' we never 'ad to leave Middlesbrough. Yer need yer freaking 'ed lookt at you do."

Our reporter thanked the 3 Wise Women and waved them off in the taxi that was taking them to Tescos.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more