The so-called volcanic eruption in Iceland that has led to air travel chaos across Europe is a hoax. We have received a leaked email from the University of East Anywhere's climate change unit that provides conclusive proof that the whole incident was staged at studios in Hollywood.
The UEA scientists were so upset at the allegations that they have made up the issue of climate change that they decided to get their revenge on the sceptics. Apparently, it all started as a joke in the UEA canteen when Nigel (the nerd) Higinbottom said, "Wouldn't it be great if we could get the European airline industry to shut down for a few months? That would piss off all those dickheads who like to fly off to the Mediterranean every weekend."
Nigel told his colleagues that a mate of his who worked in Hollywood knew a bloke who worked in a studio there and who was involved in the faking of the Apollo moon landings in the 1970s. His mate had told him that the studios were so desperate for work these days, and with all the new technology, they could fake anything for the price of a few pints of beer and a packet of pork scratchings. Nerdy Nigel also had a mate who worked for National Air Traffic Control System (NATS). The chap at NATS had told him that they were so paranoid about safety that they would stop flights on the slightest pretence if they thought that there could be an accident and they would be sued. So, a fake story about volcanic ash would be enough to stop all flights.
Nigel Farrage (no relation), leader of UKIP, said, "I am not convinced that it was just a few eggheads at East Anglia who organised this. I suspect that it was that bloke from Luxembourg who claims that he is President of the European Union who is behind all this. It is the sort of thing that these foreigners tend to do because they don't like us."
