Written by Bryan McManus

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

image for Scotland needs to learn to learn
I'm fairly sure that's not gonna spell Scotland.

Nearly four-sixths of Scottish pupils are not doing good at reading and righting in the early years of secondry school, new figures show.

An offishial Scottish Govnerment report into literecy found 60% of pupils in S2 had failed to do good, with pupils in deprived areas even less likelyable to succeed.

Perfromance in the early years of primary was better, with more than three-quarters of P3 pupils meeting expectd standards in reading their own names and 97% in righting. However, by P7 that figure had slippeded to just half of pupils for baith of the things.

A "lost generation" of pupils between the ages of eight and 14 has been a big bit worrying in Scottish educashun for ages. School inspecters have been bumping their gums for ages, blaming the earlier onset of adolescens, loads of stuff that doesn't matter in the curricilum and wasted time making paper mache animals as primary pupils adjust to the different demands of secondry.

Michael Russell, the Educashun Secretary, yesterday admitted Scotland faced challenages in improving pupilses perfromance.

"While our educashun system has hunners of good bits there are also hunners of not good bits. That is clear from the survey for which we had carried out," he said.

"One of the things that is pure good in early primary is the pure good Curriculum for Excellence and we have to make sure that is papped up to the secondry schools.

"We also need to get every secondry teacher to understand the stuff what they are actually teaching as many of them are even dafter than what the pupils are."

Opposition politishans went mental about the Government's record. Des McNulty, educashun spokesman for the Scottish Labour Party, said: "the Govnerments record is rubbish and we need to start making it less rubbish so that our children have an opporchancity to start to learn the skills what they will need to help them do good stuff when they are growed up."

Liz Smith, educashun spokeswoman for the Scottish Conservatives wanted to make tests harder for by the end of P7, and Margaret Smith, educashun spokeswoman for the Scottish Liberal Democrats, said: "have you seen my spectacles?, I am sure I had them a minute ago." Before realizing they were in fact on her head.

The findings of the 2009 Scottish Survey of Achievement has comed when all the MP's are looking to jump on a bandwagon in advance of the big voting day in the summer.

In December, the Litracy Commission, set up by Scottish Labour, said that a big lot of Scots had problems with literacy.

The Scottish Govnerment has also wanted to do better at basic stuff, saying that the new school curricilum will put litracy at the heart of what it is meant to be doing.

Judith Gillespie, chair of the Litracy Commission, said one of the problems in secondry was pupils wanting to be doing other stuff instead of learning like what they are supposed to be.
She said: "There is loads about litracy in the early years of primary, but, later on, that changes as pupils start to realize that the teachers are boring them to tears banging on about rubbishy stuff when all they want to be doing is colouring in..

"Schools need to work out how to make sure the pupils can get to colour in and learn about how to spell and use proper ways of righting stuff down and grammer as well because that is an important thing."

Helen Connor, president of the Educshunal Institute of Scotland union, said: "Curricilum for Excellents can only be good if we get money to spend on it so that the schools can buy more books and stuff that will help the pupils learn what we want them to learn."

Ann Ballinger, general secretary of the Scottish Secondry Teachers' Associashun, said " despite S1 and S2 pupils seeming to be getting more dafter, by third year, pupils start to wise up and start to do better so that they can get a good job and use the stuff that they have been teached."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Scotland, Education

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