Bastards! - Consumer Groups Slam Brit Panic Buyers

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Thursday, 7 January 2010


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No Milk Today. Or Bread. Or Veg. Or Eggs.

Consumer groups here in arctic Britain today launched a scathing attack on Britain's selfish, uncaring panic-buying hoarders, labelling them as "Bastards!"

In supermarkets all over the country, shoppers were greeted by empty fresh veg sections, empty milk shelves, and empty bread aisles, as extremely stupid individuals struck early and cleared the shelves in panic buying sprees, sweeping more into their trolleys than they will ever use 'just in case' heartlessly leaving many people with no milk for their tea, bread for their sarnies, or vegetables for their soups and stews.

"These hoarders are heartless bastards," Jim Slipp, President of The Association For Fair Play told us. "It's a bit of snow for God's sake, not the end of the world as we know it."

"And the really idiotic thing about it is," Norville Cole, of Fairplay Shopping For All said, "The silly fuckers will end up throwing most of what they've hoarded away. They're hoarding perishable goods! I doubt very much that these twats possess a single brain cell between them,"

Research has shown that most hoarders and panic buyers speak with plummy accents and drive 4x4s.


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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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