'Global Warming' Sends Britain Into Further Chaos!

Funny story written by Clifford Rutley

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

image for 'Global Warming' Sends Britain Into Further Chaos!
"If we had some global warming - it wouldn't be 20 below!"

A severe weather warning has been re-issued for this afternoon, with more snow predicted for southern England and Greater London.

Heavy falls across large parts of Britain brought widespread disruption and prompted authorities to warn against travel, unless it was absolutely needed.

The Met Office warns a further five to 10cm (up to 6in) of snow could affect the south-east later today.

There was also a severe weather warning for widespread ice in north-east England and Yorkshire over the next 24 hours.

The majority of those enjoying the blizzard conditions were school children who were told not to go in.

Hundreds of schools are closed in Surrey, East and West Sussex, Gloucestershire, Cumbria, Buckinghamshire, Oxfordshire, West Berkshire, Hampshire and Dorset.

But the snow brought travel problems for those trying to get to work this morning.

By 12.30pm, the AA had attended more than 7,000 breakdowns since midnight across the UK.

The association said it expected to attend 15,000 breakdowns by the end of the day, compared to about 9,000 for the whole of a normal Wednesday.

Many train services ran late or were cancelled - there are currently no services between Edinburgh and Glasgow.

Trains from London Waterloo were severely delayed this morning, with one station staff member telling commuters: "You may as well tear the timetable up."

Staff at both London Bridge and Charing Cross stations told Sky News Online the outlook for travel later today was looking more dire.

They advised commuters to seek alternative travel arrangements this afternoon.

Snow that was affecting Scotland and the North of England yesterday has moved south - with heavy falls of up to 40cm (16in).

A Met Office spokeswoman said warnings of either heavy snow or ice were in place for every county in the UK.

Many hospitals were under extreme resources pressure - with Southampton General on "black alert".

North Hampshire Hospital in Basingstoke put up staff in all available onsite accommodation and a local hotel.

Swindon Hospital also made up a dorm for frontline staff to allow them to sleep over last night.

Authorities have warned of hazardous driving conditions amid the predictions of worse conditions to come.

The Institute of Advanced Motorists (IAM) is offering winter driving advice on their website.

But police in Kent advised those thinking of heading out on the roads this afternoon to ask themselves whether their journey was necessary.

"Motorists who drive to carry out non-urgent errands may be putting themselves in danger," Chief Inspector Andy Reeves said.

"If motorists do have to travel they should take a fully charged mobile phone, food, water and warm clothes with them in case they do get stranded.

"Quick recovery cannot be guaranteed in severe weather."

Many roads were badly affected - especially in Hampshire, Oxfordshire, Berkshire, Buckinghamshire, Wiltshire, Gloucestershire and Surrey.

Hundreds of drivers were stranded overnight in their cars on the A3(M) in Hampshire.

Police, the fire service and military personnel used army trucks to get to motorists caught in a 10-mile jam at Waterlooville.

A heavily pregnant woman and her 13-month-old daughter "went through hell" waiting for help for 12 hours.

Carla Holt claimed she received no support from the police until the A3(M) at Petersfield was moving again at 6.30am.

"I am eight months pregnant, I couldn't go to the toilet all night, I couldn't warm the bottle up for my baby daughter. It was very frightening," she said.

"There were loads of cars parked up, just on the motorway.

"We didn't see any police, we've heard that the Army is out, but we didn't see anyone."

Elsewhere in the country many had to abandon their vehicles.

A serious accident closed the A1 in North Yorkshire, between the A6136 and the A684.

The A66 in Cumbria is also shut between the A1 and the A685.

Meanwhile, the Local Government Association (LGA) said there was sufficient grit across England to continue supplying all councils.

A spokesman said there were "some pressure places" where salt was running low, but added that local authorities would be helped out by other councils or the Highways Agency.

Five airports are currently closed - Blackpool, Exeter, Plymouth, Newcastle and Gatwick have suspended all flights.

More than 240 flights were cancelled at Gatwick alone.

Luton, Southampton, Cardiff, Bristol and Birmingham airports have all re-opened, as has the Robin Hood Airport for Doncaster and Sheffield.

Heathrow is open but expecting snow and has warned of possible disruption throughout the day.

Passengers stranded at Stansted Airport, north of London, were forced to wait up to three hours for information on their cancelled flights.

The Ryanair desk was swamped by people wanting to speak to someone.

"The problem is that you just can't get hold of a human being to speak to who will give you information," said Lilly Davis.

Meanwhile, anyone who attended that farce of conference in Copenhagen, which tried to completely ignore the climategate emails, have all now been thankfully arrested and locked away to stand trial for crimes against humanity.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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