After this week's welcome news that political-conscience rockers Rage Against the Machine had beaten the bastard child of Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole to the coveted Xmas Number One spot, we can exclusively reveal that the earth's protective smug-zone which has been under threat since Cole's protoge won the "fi"X-Factor has started to regrow itself.
The news comes as Gordon Brown's crack "Armageddon-style" celebrity resue team consisting of Dennis Waterman, Leo Sayer, Chritopher Biggins, the surviving Bay City Rollers and a hologram of John Inman, are to be stood down and sent to a new crack mission in Panto at the Llandudno Flange Palace.
In a shock move, Cowell-Cole have announced that they are to renounce insipid, piss-water pap songs and shift their vile meddling into rock and rap, after seeing how popular the mediums are with the all important 2-7 years demographic.
Cowell announced that next year's X factor will feature songs by genre luminaries such as NWA, Cypress Hill, Mayhem, Burzum and a slew of Norwegian Death Metal staples.
He has announced that the winners song is likely to be "crepitating bowel erosion" by Carcass.
We'd just like to say, well done to the masses for voting out the genetic cast-off of Cowell/Cole and even though it's only a small victory, it's still a victory!
Happy Christmas from Sunny Albania
ULVER!
