Angry American act topping UK charts translated into English

Funny story written by neilwatson

Monday, 21 December 2009

image for Angry American act topping UK charts translated into English
I'm not inclined to follow your orders, for the reasons outlined above.

Seventeen years after its single release, Rage Against The Machine's UK chart-topping Christmas novelty record has been translated into the Queen's English.

The translation comes courtesy of the Chegwin Institute for Phonographic Operations. A spokes-person for the Institute admitted: "Wa-hey! The translation does not scan quite so well, but it does avoid some of the unnecessary repetition."

The spokes-person continued: "Feeding the lyrics into our computer produced the English translation just seventeen years later."

Next year's chart-topper is in the pipeline. It's going to be an X Factor-fisting collaboration between Florence And The Machine and Rage Against The Machine.

Although the choice of song has yet to be made, it is likely to be a very angry song indeed by the festive supergroup Rage Against The Magic Roundabout.

The Anglicised lyrics appear here in full:

(American) Bobbies can be a bit racist.
Some change their work headgear for a hood when they get home. Probably.
I mean, remember Rodney King ..?!

Killing in the name of any legitimate religion?
Killing in the name of justice, politics or because a burglar broke into your farmhouse?
All a bit dodgy, really!

And now you've entered the police or armed forces.
You do what you're told,
Even if that involves you being a bit racist too.
What's the colour of the person behind the wheel of that Humvee?
What on Earth is a Humvee anyway?!

Killing a police officer is pretty bad.
Because most of them are white.
Ooh, the irony!

Perhaps it all goes back to school. Or college.
Or some part of your Continued Professional Development (CPD) ... officer.

Now you're some kind of puppet.
Like when Sweep used to give Sweep a bashing.
Poor Matthew Corbett's bruised hands!

(Guitar solo)

I think I have something on my brogues!

Yes! Join in if you know the words!

I don't know, maybe something I trod in ...

I'm not inclined to follow your orders, for the reasons outlined above.
(Then louder, shouting as if hailing a distant Hackney carriage)

I saw your mother enjoying an intimate relationship with Father Christmas ...
Before I realised to my chagrin that it was you. Oh dear.

It's not coming off - does anyone have a babywipe?


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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