Michael Jackson look-alike Carla Bruni is to edit the Sunday Times. The expressionless former model was invited by a group of old sleazebags from the esteemed newspaper last month to take on the role after they discovered that they practically dedicate half the fucking paper to stories and pictures of the tight-faced old tramp.
Her husband, French President Nicolas Sakozy said he the ideal was "formidable!", while a man who used to buy the newspaper said it was "fucking shite".
The slutty model will try and indulge the papers already full-blown love-in of all things Bruni by encouraging more articles on her singing 'career' and charitable work with big-nosed pompous gnomes.
The Times magazine will now feature 20% more Bruni content than before - which brings the grand total to 120%.
All the normal writing staff has been replaced by former lovers such as Eric Clapton, Mick Jagger and the local bin man, Derek.