In a shock move designed to stun the world of football, Man United today announced that they would be leading participants in a really crappy money-making scheme.
Alongside the London Dungeon, and the Eden Project, Man United will be offering "dedicated" supporters the chance to take the Old Trafford Tour, have a kickabout on the Old Trafford pitch with a plastic football which won't damage the turf too much - as long as they're wearing appropriate footwear, and round off the day by sleeping in an executive box watching videos of past successes, before being told to 'fuck off and thanks for the cash mate' in the morning.
Peter Kenyon, renowned 'twat of the decade' announced to Spoof reporters that he couldn't imagine why he didn't think of such a tacky idea first for new love, Chelsea.
"If I'd thought of that one," Kenyon told theSpoof.com, "I'd have had 'em escorted at gunpoint to the megastore."
Man United fan, Donald Skoob, a janitor at Salford University, told us:
"This is just wrong. They're demeaning the good name of our football club. For God's sake, they'll be unveiling a new kit modelled by Michael Owen next. Them Glazers have no shame. Next news they'll be making us twin-towns with Loonypool. Where does it all end?"
More as we get it.