Written by Chamone

Sunday, 5 July 2009

image for Michael Owen ruled out for entire new season after United contract signing injuries
United players confer on whether Ferguson is mentally 'fit'

Surprise free transfer gamble Michael Owen has been ruled out for the coming season on medical grounds after breaking into tiny pieces. The England international noticed a sharp pain and discomfort in his wrist immediately after signing on the dotted line to complete his move from Newcastle to Manchester United. Then some of his body parts just started to disintegrate.

One sports journalist who witnessed the incident said that it was like "that scene in Terminator 2" where the T-1000 gets covered in liquid nitrogen and freezes then slowly begins to break apart.

The injury prone 29 year old had high hopes of getting back to his goal-scoring ways after a frankly shitty few years.

United manager Alex Ferguson described it as a "setback" but that Owen would still be able to contribute towards the team by keeping the substitutes bench nice and cosy for the decent United players during matches

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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