Skip Wiffleball, the precocious American soccer prodigy from New Mexico has signed for Manchester United, who beat off stiff competition from Real Madrid, Barcelona, AC Milan, Chelsea, and Manchester City.
Skip Wiffleball (19) is said to be an exceptional performer in the box.
"The lad's good with both feet and in the air," Sir Alex Ferguson beamed. "And he's got a hell of a shot on him. There has been a slight problem with diet, but we put that down to geography. Apparently the lad loves jalapenos. We'll have to address that issue - we can't afford to have him running off the pitch every ten minutes because he needs a dump. I'm looking forward to pairing him with Michael (Owen) our other sensational summer signing. With the lad Fergus (McCarthy) making his trademark forward forays from midfield, we'll scare the hell out of our opponents."
Skip Wiffleball, sitting in The Red Cafe at Old Trafford, told us:
"It's a huge honour to sign for a club of this stature. Hey waiter! These tacos need more hot-sauce damnit!"
With thanks to J-Man for the use of the name.
More whacky name related wing wizardry as we get it.