City analysts here in London announced that there was a remote possibility that Janet Jackson could be next to go the way of her late brother.
Following the tragic demise of brother Michael, whose sales have gone stratospheric, swelling the Jackson family coffers by millions, analysts, futures traders, and hedge fund managers are putting the smart money on Janet being next.
News in from LaLa Land tells us that record execs and mafiosi have been studying sales figures of Janet Jackson's 'Control' album and speculating on future profits which could be generated by the demise of Jackson's sister.
Conspiracy theories abound.
Rory Hornrim of conspiracy website www.whataloadofshite.com told us exclusively:
"They're definitely out to get her. Make no mistake about it. I'd speculate that her days are numbered."
Our personal interpretation of this story is that everybody involved was talking absolute bollocks. The researcher who advised us to investigate has been sacked for gross misconduct and being a total twat.
Janet Jackson is alive and well, and barring some unforeseen disaster, or catastrophic accident, expected to remain so for the foreseeable future.
Janet Jackson once popped a pap out at the Superbowl.
No more Jackson related japery, no matter when it comes in.
