Last Labour Party ship survivor's career dies

Funny story written by matwil

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

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The S.S. Labour Party, sunk without trace

Gordonov Brown was nine when the S.S. Labour Party sank after hitting a blairberg in 1997, and the disaster resulted in the deaths of hundreds of its crew, largely due to a lack of policies. Mr Brown, who remembered nothing of the fateful accident in that year, saw his own career die today.

Brown's family had been living in Scotland, before travelling to London to be treated as third class citizens there, where he hoped to start a new life as what Londoners call a 'smelly sock that sounds like a ginger', which is almost as big an insult as being called 'an American President'.

The sinking of the ship didn't exactly shock the world, in fact few people in Britain even noticed it had sunk, or that its rival ship had also gone down. That rival ship's leader, Captain David Camerov, speaking from his own watery political grave, admitted that two ships sinking at the same time was tragic.

'It was indeed tragic, for expenses forms fillers-in and voters' bank accounts. The once mighty Labour and Conservative ships reduced to spending all their time defrauding taxpayers and then lying about it, simply meant the end of the two. And now they're gone.'

A few ships still struggled to stay afloat in the ocean, but the Liberal one was permanently holed by betraying the British people in 1918, and is no longer really seaworthy, and indeed you wouldn't let its crew anywhere near your little sons.

The S.S. Ukip is still stuck on the bottom of the ocean, quite rightly, and the once-feared but now unintentionally funny pirate ship - the B&Q - survives only by trying to shell its own people, not a very smart tactic towards a nation of sea-faring immigrants.

H.M.S. Green is at least seaworthy, but sadly is in a thousand year-old time warp, and not a great deal of help to the island of Great Britain in the 21st. century. Its captain, Sir Charles d'Tabloid-Fodderingham, who has never left his childhood nursery, said:

'Well, one hopes one's heritage will save one from the chop. Unlike Mr Brown, whose heritage is, as we speak, one that will mean Presbyterian, Protestant Scots will ruthlessly search out his watery political grave, merely to dance on it in hobnailed water boots.'

Jacques Cousteau was unavailable for comment, merely saying 'Comment?'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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