Trio cleared over 7/7 attacks

Funny story written by matwil

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

image for Trio cleared over 7/7 attacks
'Look, chaps, don't shoot me, I never arranged the 7/7 attacks. It was a bearded green rabbit called 'Kelly'

Three man have been cleared of helping to plan the 7/7 London bus bomb attacks. A jury at Westminster Crown Court found Tony Blair, John Prescott and Gordon Brown not guilty of conspiring to plant fake terrorist bombs on London buses to alarm citizens, and to give police special powers to lock up anyone they didn't look the look of.

But the plot went badly wrong, as the citizens of London - who never batted an eyelid at Luftwaffe blitzes or IRA bombing campaigns - merely laughed at the three's plans, and as the British police have become a corrupt and inept joke the new powers make no difference to anyone's lives in the UK.

Further charges of lying under oath about weapons of mass destruction, declaring an illegal war on the basis of those lies, and using government money to buy lots of flats and cars with the help of convicted criminals were to be swept under the carpet, on the grounds of 'national security'.

'You know', Mr. Blair simpered outside the court, taking a freetrade, organic cooking onion out of his pocket, and biting into it, 'this is a wonderful, um, day for ... for, er, for me. And Gordon, and that other fat bastard who was in court with, um, with, you know, with me, sniff, sniff.'

' But, well, I can't help crying at the thought of all those innocent people getting blown to, to pieces, surely we must leave no stone ...uh ... unturned in our search for the perpetrators of these monstrous crimes. Because it wasn't us three that arranged them, no no, as if, it was those cartoon beardy villains, or my name isn't Pinocchio O'Liar van der Mitty!'

And John Prescott added: 'Don't ask me, I were too bloody busy attending the Bulimia Association's eight course annual dinner on 7/7 to bloody know what were 'appenin' on buses 'ere. I never take buses anyway, me two Jags are needed to transport me and my supply of Her Majesty's picnic baskets round and about.'

And Mr. Blair's replacement and co-defendant, Gordon Brown, said: 'I blame the police. If they had all the people they said they did under surveillance, then how come all those bombs went off? It's almost as if they were allowed to happen, to alarm citizens and to give police more powers to ...'.

The trio are expected to hire a lawyer at random to claim compensation for the case brought against them, a lawyer with a name like Cherie Blair, for instance, and one that will cost the taxpayer more millions to waste on pointless police investigations and pointless court cases, when the whole situation could easily have been solved in a minute at no cost by saying 'The British Government did it'.

More frame-ups and lies from Downing Street are expected later.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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