Body Parts Man To Be Put Back Together Again

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 24 April 2009

image for Body Parts Man To Be Put Back Together Again

Doctors have said that they believe a man who was murdered, and had his head, torso and limbs spread throughout Hertfordshire and Leicestershire, could be put back together again, so that he could lead an almost-normal life.

Dr Oscar Goldman of the Defence Research Intsitute in London, said:

"Humphrey Dumpty. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first bionic man. Humphrey Dumpty will be that man. Better than he ever was before. Better, stronger, faster.
And a lot less runny."

If the operation is a success, Mr Dumpty will be able to run at speeds in excess of 60mph, have superhuman strength, and be able to see great distances.

These would have been especially useful to him in the moments leading up to his murder, especially the 'running very fast' part.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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