Surgeons "stealing body parts"

Written by Noshing Mink

Friday, 20 April 2007

image for Surgeons "stealing body parts"
"Surgeons stole my head"

As the Government announced another inquiry into hospitals stealing body parts, it has come to light that surgeons in yet another hospital in London have been up to no good. In order to finance their country club, golfing, first class airfare life, the surgeons at the unnamed hospital in Chelsea have been stealing and selling on body parts, and they've gone too far, said a man in a pub.

He told our reporter that he went in to the hospital for a basic check-up, having met a nice girl the night before and scribbled her phone number on a piece of tissue. "When I came out of hospital, I found they'd taken my tissue without my permission. And what's more, the girl is now dating a doctor!"

In another body part scandal, the person sitting next to him in the pub told our reporter that when he came out of the same hospital and went home, he discovered that his Hammond organ was gone. "I believe that it was the work of surgeons at the hospital", he said. "We always hear about them stealing organs from dead people. Well, they stole my organ and I'm still alive", he fumed.

Most worrying of all, one man (at least we think he is a man) told us that when he came out of hospital for a minor check-up, his head was missing. "I looked everywhere for it, but it was gone. I've come to the inescapable conclusion that doctors must have took it for scientific research or even to sell to a rich Arab. Some of them sheikhs like to have more than one head."

The victim added "Life without a head isn't as easy as you might think. Because you've got no eyes, you can't see where you're going and keep bumping into things. It also means I've had to sell my stash of porn, but I can't be sure that the buyer gave me the agreed price. I've also got no sense of smell, taste or hearing."

We were going to contact the hospital for an interview but were a bit worried that they might nick one of our body parts so changed our mind.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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