Cascade, Grand Rapids - (Rioters): A strictly vegan Michigan couple got the fright of their lives when body parts arrived mysteriously at their home by a courier company.
Mrs Doe said her husband opened two packages. One contained a liver, an ear, an eyeball and a partial human head. The other had two pounds of sausages of dubious origin.
"John started the second one, but stopped as soon as soon as he saw the chipolatas," Mrs Doe told a reporter. "It was enought to make me feel sick."
"At first we thought it might be something to do with that poor dismembered housewife Tara Grant in Washington Township," said Mr Doe. "We heard on the radio that bits of her internal organs were found in a park close to her home.
"Then my wife said it could be much more sinister because
Middle Eastern types are notorious for eating eyeballs so maybe it was Osama."
The couple called 911 and cops eventually confirmed the organs were unconnected to the Tara Grant dismemberment.
Further probes established they had been sent by a Chinese prison which regularly trades in human body parts from executed offenders.
"Maybe this was some kind of sicko Chinese New Year present for the Does who recently featured on an online cookery show called Vegan Dim Sum Recipe Secrets.
"Or else the delivery guy needs to bone up on his Mandarin alphabet."