Written by Leonardo Picasso

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

image for Jeff Koons Doesn't Eat Out Anymore
Chicolina concurs, Eat it or beat it.

Art Press Feed - No box lunch at the Y for Jeff, the middle aged artist Jeff Koons showing signs that family life is bearing down on him. In a recent, interview at the Tate Museum in London England, when asked about family life, the artist claimed, "he doesn't eat out". Old friends claim the shiny art maker never was one for indulging in oral activity, "it shows in his interviews".

Chicholina concurs, "Jeff isn't up on his foreplay, just like his work, he leaves it up to others to get the job done". Indeed family life has impacted the artistic colon of this once edgy artist, known as the idea man, "Leonardo DaVinci wasn't a rug man either, so why should I". As he claims, "I don't have the necessary focus or stomach to give it that personal touch"'.

Currently the artist is trying to deal with his phobia of commiserating with the V, this he is doing by mounting a show at Versailles, but the French have little patience for the American pretty boy unwilling to check the trim.

For the artist that claims Bambi is one of his favorite Disney films, he has focused on overcoming his fears of the little ladies legs bearing down on him and squashing his well coiffed skull. So he is thinking of a large inflatable Pinochio head with a pubic hair in one nostril. "That's something, Louis the XIV would probably twitter at, as he looked out over the gardens at Versailles, just that one long natty grey hair.

Thanks for trying Jeff, but there is enough of us out here that will give the ladies what they love best, and that's a night of eating out.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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