Jacqui Smith Husband 'Seeing' Another Woman

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

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Another filthmonger

The crisis surrounding the disgraced Home Secretary Jacqui Smith escalated to a new level this morning, amid revelations that her husband, Richard Timney, is seeing another woman.

Timney, who attempted to claim for the rental charge of two porn films on Ms Smith's MP expenses account, apologised for what he called, 'a gaffe', but now has more to answer for, as his 'secret lover' secret was made public.

RamRod, one of the films Mr Timney is alleged to have viewed, stars porn queen Sylvia Gullet, and it is she with whom the MP's other half has been carrying-on in private.

Timney is obsessed with Gullet, and his local video shop owner, Ashraf Singh, claims he is always in the shop looking for Gullet films.

Said Ashraf:

"Oh yes, Mr Timney, or should I say 'Mr Smith'? Yes, he's always in here. Dirty bugger. Always pays though, and makes a point of asking for a receipt. Odd that."

He went on:

"That customer you are talking about, yes, he likes to talk about a secret relationship he has with Miss Gullet. I know it's only his fantasy, but I like to humour him. After all, he does spend a lot of his money in my shop. Or, I should say 'Your money'!"

Miss Gullet was stunned by the news of Mr Timney's love for her. She said:

"Filthy old fucker!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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