The latest adult movie by soft porn star Jacqui Smith came out today. Smith is the UK's top porn star and is not to be confused with the Home Secretary of the same name, unless you're a moron.
'Not bad-looking for a 50-something year-old female politician' stars Smith as a 50-something year-old politician, who doesn't want to marry as she's too busy having fun in the House of the Rising Commons, and the action gets going as night falls there.
Miss Smith - 34', 26', 34' - wearing her trademark provocative glasses, begins toying with a White Paper suggestively, then adjusts her skirt to show off her shapely legs to the cameras. Then, at a cue from the director, she stands up and reveals her magnificent chest, covered only by a blouse and dark suit top, and says sexily:
'Mr Speaker, does the Honourable Member from Finchley realise how much cable TV costs nowadays? I put it to you that not even a child would pay for an iffy channel unless they actually wanted to view it!', and then sits down again in the dim light.
And then another star, Harriet Harman, turns it into girl-on-girl action by also revealing her chest - covered only by a sweatshirt, a jumper, an anorak, a macintosh, and an army surplus great coat - and says to Jacqui: 'Fancy a threesome with Diane Abbot?'
'Oops, I mean, cable networks only exist to supply people with dodgy programmes and films, why else would anyone buy that crap? You can already get all the boring nature stuff and documentaries about Leningrad on Freeview.'
Jacqui Smith has been one of Britain's most famous soft porn stars, and her movies include 'Emmanuelle Visits Hospital Trust To Audit Their Accounts', 'Animal Farm Has Foot And Mouth Outbreak', and 'Late Night Session In The Commons Over EU Budget Deficit', and her latest film is expected to sell widely. You may even be able to watch it on cable TV - but only if you suscribe to the channel by mistake.