London - (Coup 'Stark' d'Etat Mess): Monday's magnificent Aquarius solar eclipse occurs horribly close to the credit crunching trajectory of a portentuous Doomsday comet that has been homing in on Buckingham Palace airspace all January.
The comet's arrival coincides with frenzied Australia Day and Chinese New Year celebrations that conveniently mask the bankruptcy of the tragi-comic Puppet Monarch's coffers.
"HM's investment portfolio has been reduced to a paltry few IOUs from Ponzi scam trickster Bernie Madoff," ex-Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon said today.
And in a parallel time/space glitch development one of this year's great royal wannabe racewhorses (sic) at the Royal Stud & Fertility Treatment Works, Zimbabwe-born Ms Chelsy Davy, has just been relegated to also-ran status.
"Any more cosmic shocks like this one and it'll be off to the knacker's yard for Old Fatty Mountbatten," Comptroller of the Privy Purse Sir Alan Reid joked weakly today.
Internet bookies Aintgottaprayer.con are offering 2/1 on HM dropping dead on the day of the eclipse and a further 5/1 that an unidentified alien craft 'hidden by the comet' will then snatch her body away for repatriation with her long-lost Martian forebears (sic).
