A man that is interested in seeing things has said that he is upset and annoyed that, in all likelihood, he won't get to see Halley's Comet again. Moys Kenwood, 56, was born in 1963, and, as the comet is not expected again until 28 July 2061 when...
After the "Extreme Sports Tumble Drying Club" admitted its clandestine sponsorship of the Rosetta "on comet" space clothes drying mission, the mission ground to a halt yesterday. The Rosetta spacecraft's landing module, Philae, a $2m black bodywork...
Tragedy has struck after a major news conference at the Philae Science, Operations and Navigation Centre in France's CNES space agency, Toulouse. Prof. Claude Clouseau director of Science and Robotic exploration gave a rousing speech to a gatheri...
Scientists controlling the Rosetta Space Probe's landing on a huge comet were jubilant that the mission had succeeded this morning, but their joy turned to horror when the Orbiter Craft plunged into the comet and shifted it into a deadly collision co...
The three billion pound "comet riding 'Rosetta'" spacecraft is thought to be reclining on the comet and sending texts and selfies instead of doing difficult experiments. The Rosetta descended from its mothership yesterday and was too intoxicated with...
Darmstadt, Germany-Scientists were astounded today when the Philae Probe spacecraft, which has miraculously landed on Comet 67P, right away sent back pictures of a microscopic civilization located on the surface of the comet! What was probably mor...
The Cosmos - A new comet from deep inside the Oort Cloud is winging its way across the heavens this weekend like some cosmic prima ballerina strung out on angel dust. Comet Siding Spring, aka C/2013 A1, will be visible at twilight over Stonehenge...
MODESTO, CALIFORNIA - CHP motorcycle officer, Doug Pascal, was on patrol on the side of Hwy. 99 Thursday, in the early morning hours, when his radar gun picked up a speeding object going 20,000 mph. Thinking about the value of the speeding ticket...
A spaceship is about to embark on one of the most technologically advanced missions ever attempted - by smashing down on a bankrupt Comet store in Barnsley at 24,600mph. Bungling Beagle 2 professor Colin Pillinger is to supervise the practice ru...
Jessop's the failed high street photography retailer, are set to continue inside HMV stores, sparking a rush of other failing and failed stores to join in. Receivers in charge of selling off HMV have changed tack, and decided that amalgamation no...
London - A US Jet Convulsion Laboratory analyst first signalled the Comet break-up last April when debris from its crumbling nucleus briefly blacked-out the International Space Station's roving telescope. "It was always a borderline pie-in-the-sky...
Space - "WTF does this mean for Capricorns?" seems to be the frantic question in certain NASA quarters as news of Comet Lovejoy's 87,000 mile 'near miss' with the Sun goes viral on the net. Discovered by Australian star gazer Terry Lovejoy on 27 N...
London - A horrid GlibDem scam to allow Catholics back into the royal fold tonight sees HM vowing to swallow arsenic rather than bow to the latest Popish bollox from Brussels. Just after sunset a mystery comet from the Papal Bull Shit galaxy was s...
NASA's spaceship, appropriately named 'Deep Impact,' send home pictures recently of what appeared to be a misshapen penis and realized it was the Comet Hartley 2. Scientists high-fived each other as they viewed the photos that took three years to rea...
A new telescope facility in Hawaii designed to search for asteroids and comets which could threaten Earth has been destroyed in a freak accident. The Pan-STARRS 1 telescope was built primarily to map large portions of the sky each night to track...
London - (Portents): The baleful harbinger of Hellfire Club doom will transit above Whorse Guards Parade, SW1 this Saturday morning at the precise moment of the Gemini new moon. Comet McNaught's resplendent trajectory should be visible to the nake...
Windsor - (Order of the Gutter): Harbinger of death and totem of volcanic fiascos Comet C/1861 G1 Thatcher, source of the annual 16-26 April Lyrid meteor shower, has been spotted hovering menacingly over Windsor Castle's St George's Chapel. The 1...
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