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Philae Comet Lander Was Sponsored By Extreme Tumble Drying Organization

Funny story: Philae Comet Lander Was Sponsored By Extreme Tumble Drying Organization

After the "Extreme Sports Tumble Drying Club" admitted its clandestine sponsorship of the Rosetta "on comet" space clothes drying mission, the mission ground to a halt yesterday. The Rosetta spacecraft's landing module, Philae, a $2m black bodywork...

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Philae Brings Science Back to Earth

Funny story: Philae Brings Science Back to Earth

Tragedy has struck after a major news conference at the Philae Science, Operations and Navigation Centre in France's CNES space agency, Toulouse. Prof. Claude Clouseau director of Science and Robotic exploration gave a rousing speech to a gatheri...

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Cataclysmic Comet Collision to End World in Two Weeks Time

Funny story: Cataclysmic Comet Collision to End World in Two Weeks Time

Scientists controlling the Rosetta Space Probe's landing on a huge comet were jubilant that the mission had succeeded this morning, but their joy turned to horror when the Orbiter Craft plunged into the comet and shifted it into a deadly collision co...

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Drunk Rosetta Comet Lander Takes £3bn Selfie Photograph And Exposes Itself

Funny story: Drunk Rosetta Comet Lander Takes £3bn Selfie Photograph And Exposes Itself

The three billion pound "comet riding 'Rosetta'" spacecraft is thought to be reclining on the comet and sending texts and selfies instead of doing difficult experiments. The Rosetta descended from its mothership yesterday and was too intoxicated with...

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Philae Probe Lands on Comet 67P-Discovers Life!

Funny story: Philae Probe Lands on Comet 67P-Discovers Life!

Darmstadt, Germany-Scientists were astounded today when the Philae Probe spacecraft, which has miraculously landed on Comet 67P, right away sent back pictures of a microscopic civilization located on the surface of the comet! What was probably mor...

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Comet Siding Spring dazzles Summer Solstice skies

Funny story: Comet Siding Spring dazzles Summer Solstice skies

The Cosmos - A new comet from deep inside the Oort Cloud is winging its way across the heavens this weekend like some cosmic prima ballerina strung out on angel dust. Comet Siding Spring, aka C/2013 A1, will be visible at twilight over Stonehenge...

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Cometoid Streaks Down California Highway 99

Funny story: Cometoid Streaks Down California Highway 99

MODESTO, CALIFORNIA - CHP motorcycle officer, Doug Pascal, was on patrol on the side of Hwy. 99 Thursday, in the early morning hours, when his radar gun picked up a speeding object going 20,000 mph. Thinking about the value of the speeding ticket...

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Beagle 2 Bungler to Smash Spacecraft Rosetta into Comet

Funny story: Beagle 2 Bungler to Smash Spacecraft Rosetta into Comet

A spaceship is about to embark on one of the most technologically advanced missions ever attempted - by smashing down on a bankrupt Comet store in Barnsley at 24,600mph. Bungling Beagle 2 professor Colin Pillinger is to supervise the practice ru...

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High Street stores to merge

Funny story: High Street stores to merge

Jessop's the failed high street photography retailer, are set to continue inside HMV stores, sparking a rush of other failing and failed stores to join in. Receivers in charge of selling off HMV have changed tack, and decided that amalgamation no...

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NASA 'saw Comet bankruptcy' months ago

Funny story: NASA 'saw Comet bankruptcy' months ago

London - A US Jet Convulsion Laboratory analyst first signalled the Comet break-up last April when debris from its crumbling nucleus briefly blacked-out the International Space Station's roving telescope. "It was always a borderline pie-in-the-sky...

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Comet Lovejoy is the Jesus Mothercraft first seen by Three Wise Men

Funny story: Comet Lovejoy is the Jesus Mothercraft first seen by Three Wise Men

Space - "WTF does this mean for Capricorns?" seems to be the frantic question in certain NASA quarters as news of Comet Lovejoy's 87,000 mile 'near miss' with the Sun goes viral on the net. Discovered by Australian star gazer Terry Lovejoy on 27 N...

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Comet Rigor Mortis transits Buckingham Palace skies

Funny story: Comet Rigor Mortis transits Buckingham Palace skies

London - A horrid GlibDem scam to allow Catholics back into the royal fold tonight sees HM vowing to swallow arsenic rather than bow to the latest Popish bollox from Brussels. Just after sunset a mystery comet from the Papal Bull Shit galaxy was s...

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NASA Photos Confirm Comet Hartley 2 Looks Like Giant Misshapen Penis

Funny story: NASA Photos Confirm Comet Hartley 2 Looks Like Giant Misshapen Penis

NASA's spaceship, appropriately named 'Deep Impact,' send home pictures recently of what appeared to be a misshapen penis and realized it was the Comet Hartley 2. Scientists high-fived each other as they viewed the photos that took three years to rea...

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'Killer Comet' tracking telescope destroyed

Funny story: 'Killer Comet' tracking telescope destroyed

A new telescope facility in Hawaii designed to search for asteroids and comets which could threaten Earth has been destroyed in a freak accident. The Pan-STARRS 1 telescope was built primarily to map large portions of the sky each night to track...

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Comet McNaught to pass directly above Trooping the Colour

Funny story: Comet McNaught to pass directly above Trooping the Colour

London - (Portents): The baleful harbinger of Hellfire Club doom will transit above Whorse Guards Parade, SW1 this Saturday morning at the precise moment of the Gemini new moon. Comet McNaught's resplendent trajectory should be visible to the nake...

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St George's Day comet hovers ominously over Windsor Castle

Funny story: St George's Day comet hovers ominously over Windsor Castle

Windsor - (Order of the Gutter): Harbinger of death and totem of volcanic fiascos Comet C/1861 G1 Thatcher, source of the annual 16-26 April Lyrid meteor shower, has been spotted hovering menacingly over Windsor Castle's St George's Chapel. The 1...

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St David's Day doomsday shocker

Funny story: St David's Day doomsday shocker

London - (Armageddinouttahere! Mess): Biblical prophecy onanists have warned the transit of two-tailed Comet Lulin hails a terrible end for the Hellfire Club puppet monarch's reign this Sunday. "The comet augurs the fake dynasty matriarch choking...

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Friday the 13th: noxious comet on collision course with toxic ghost ship scrapyard

Funny story: Friday the 13th: noxious comet on collision course with toxic ghost ship scrapyard

London - (X-Files Mess): A highly noxious comet replete with Zyklon-B isotopes is on a Friday 13th February collision course with the UK shipping scrapyard charged with scuttling the toxic French aircraft carrier Le Clemenceau. Comet Lulin had be...

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Jabba the Trump

I find when I watch cable news in the morning, I much prefer watching Donald Trump talk with the volume off. Imagine an orange Jabba the Hutt as a talentless mime.
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