The cheeky lawyer intent on getting Boy George sent down, told a stunned jury "Mr Boy George is so morbidly obese, anyone can take a pop at him and win. Even a newly-born kitten with polio and one kidney, could 'see off' Culture Club-Sandwich's former front-man in a fight. He is just too FAT to FIGHT!"
Mr Bernie Finklestein, who gained his law degree from 'Myspace', added idiotically, " George is now so fat that if you were to kick him up the arse, he would feel it.... a week on Sunday."
Mr Boy George, was brought into court on a crane to illustrate the point, and the entire west wall of court 3, had to be removed, to cram the former beauty's carcass into the 190 x 90 ft court room.
Judge John Deed presiding over the case, conferred that George was indeed 1000 tonnes of blubber in a 23 stone bag. However, he failed to understand why this 'mitigated' Mr Boy George O'Dowd from owning a current TV licence, like the rest of the mugs in the UK.
"If Mr Boy George does not contribute to the BBC's finances, who will pay Jonathan Ross's wages ?" added the Judge in a stern, yet media friendly way.
Psychologist Stevey Peevey Flett , said " Fat men such as John Wayne Gacy, Bob Berdella, Giant Haystacks, Hermann Goering, and Pol Pot are notoriously gentle and incapable of any physical violence. Simply because they would prefer to sit at home discussing recipes and developing man tits and knee fat".
The case of the 6ft 2, 23 stone Culture TUBBY continues.......
