An anonymous source in Russia has reported that after years of trial and error, scientists have discovered a formula that can shrink an average human down to almost microscopic size. The source also reports that over 10,000 members of the Russian…
After being blinded and emasculated by an attack Thursday night, Jaden Johnson was admitted to Area Hospital. The last thing he remembers before the attack was referring to a transsexual woman as a man. Hours later, two or more unknown assailants...
Fuchsia, Purplonia [PP] -- An Earthling woman says she was told to put a purple shirt over her orange top while shopping at PlumMart or leave the store. Amber Green told The Tentacle Times she was shopping at a Fuchsian PlumMart with her sister la...
Toronto - A local animal trainer for the Toronto Zoo suffered severe injuries when his tiger, Meeka, turned on him during a training session and gnawed his arms off. According to fellow workmates, the trainer, Peter Dawson, 38, routinely whipped Meek...
"Just do it, Johnny," cringed out the stuffed and mangled school teacher to her student after being absorbed and becoming one with the giant luffa raining havoc across the American landscape. "Bullet to the brain. Quick and easy. Give it to me no-,"...
Police in Las Vegas, Nevada are now searching for a "freak" identified by a prostitute after two other prostitutes have been missing for weeks. This lady is in pretty bad shape but has told police a great deal about her attacker. "It was a male...
Calabasas, CA Police from all over the Southern California area responded to a five-alarm alert about a deadly egg attack perpetrated by pop star Justin Bieber on the house next door to him. Earlier egg attacks caused $20,000 damage. "We are too...
The President told Americans in a press conference today that there was a "Credible Threat" that the United States could suffer a sudden attack from any one of several countries. "I don't know how we got everybody so upset with us but according to...
Harry Reid, the Democratic Senate Majority leader, recently delivered a series of blistering attacks from the Senate floor on his Republican colleagues. "They are anarchists," Reid was quoted as saying, "because they hate government. And hating gover...
OK, I have a confession to make: I think I'm a bad person. Not "Battlefield Earth" bad, but bad enough. What has driven me to all this self-flagellation? What could cause such dark introspection and self recrimination? The answer is simple - a crazy chimpanzee. I still can't stop thinking about the former celebrity chimpanzee who went nuts. How could a story about a former celebrity chimp wh...
Reports are coming in of a suspected terror attack on the streets of London this afternoon. An unidentified teenager apparently knocked on the red door of a local resident and was filmed afterwards using religious language. Witnesses say that the...
There are reports that male Republicans are being attacked and swallowed up by giant vaginas. The flying sex organs have been spotted in several major cities across the U.S. In what appears to be a kind of subversive sting operation, the female genit...
A New York man is claiming he was stalked then ambushed by a pack of marauding predator cougars while minding his own business in Manhattan. John Turner, 25, says he was badly shaken by the ordeal and is now seeking therapy however his physical in...
Friday the thirteenth is a day to be feared. Many people choose to stay in bed on the traditionally unlucky day, named after the slasher film franchise starring the un-killable Jason Vorhees. But few suffer the misfortune that befell Terry Gilchri...
A clan of destructive "fairytale" dwarfs are causing carnage throughout Europe. Their first sightings were said to be in Germany on February 25th where a American tourist was burnt to a crisp by one of the dwarfs. They have later been spotted in F...
In the aftermath of the attack on Rupert Murdoch today the National Pie in the Face Association once again strongly defended the right of all citizens to own custard pies. Morpheus Crown, nation chairman of the NPITFA, strongly condemned the unpr...
Locals in the harbour town of Brixham have been left 'seriously perturbed', say emergency service personnel, after witnessing a vicious and unprovoked attack on the quayside. Witnesses say that an unnamed woman was eating a choc-ice whilst staring...
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