Celebrity baby name scandal

Funny story written by IainB

Thursday, 16 October 2008

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Holy Jolie!

Some think that David and Victoria Beckham started the surreal naming of children craze by naming their first child Brooklyn (after the bridge under which he was conceived), but the fad for bizarre children's names goes much further back, with Frank Zappa's daughter Moon Unit probably the most famous.

In recent weeks, however, the fad has really taken off.

Kevin Bacon has named his new baby son Sizzling, whilst Bruce Willis has waded in Watcha Talkin Bout when his girlfriend gave birth to his fifteenth daughter last week.

Kelly Brook recently gave birth in Secret, Arizona, to a little boy that she named Bubblin; saying to Goodbye! magazine that it was an evocative name. Angelina Jolie has told Blimey! magazine that she already has a name picked out for her next child, whether it is a boy, girl or adopted Saharan; The unfortunate child will be called Holy.

On the Richard and Judy show, the celebrity couple admitted that they nearly chose Michael for their son, but realised just in time that Michael Finnegan was not the best name to saddle a child with, and chose Beginagin instead.

Britney Spears has admitted that the father of her rapidly developing bump is fellow musician Kevin Shields. They will be combining their surnames, and naming the child Swords Spears-Shields.

A word of warning to these celebrity name faux pas culprits though. Dweezil and Diva Muffin, two of Frank Zappa's other bizarrely named children, admitted on Jonafon Woss's midnight show that they were teased and beaten mercilessly as they went through school; a fact made all the more surreal as it was Little Pixie Geldof and Zowie Bowie who were doing the majority of the name calling.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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