Gay Irish Pub Launches Contest for New Name

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 24 October 2008

image for Gay Irish Pub Launches Contest for New Name
The Old McAllisters Before Remodeling

Replacing what was a landmark public house to the local community of Castletroy outside of Limerick, Ireland, owners of the former McAllister's Brass Rail Pub are searching for a new pub name. Taking advantage of the growing population of alternative lifestyle patrons, Brass Rail current owner Spike McGraw, will be remodeling the two-story pub to host both gay and lesbian communities, each with their own floor, "and special entry and exit doors" McGraw said.

As a means to raise publicity for his new project, McGraw launched a contest to help name the new pub, with two first prizes for the winning names of the upper and lower floors. "I'll let the ladies name the upper floor, because I figured the men would like it on bottom." McGraw said.

Thousands of entries were received in the first week of the contest, where the front running names included, "The Bearded Clam" for the upper, and "The Brown Dirt Cowboy" for the lower floor. McGraw consulted with his long time friend Hamish "Biggy" O'Toole, manager of "Dirty Dicks" in Edinburgh, for his opinion on the best name. O'Toole advised that McGraw wait until all the entries were in, but that double entendre "with a nasty twist" as O'Toole put it, "was always a winner".

Modifications to the dual-action, dual-entry pub included plush couches in dark corners, private booths with privacy curtains and a never-ending special for AppleTinis at the bar. Each floor with have an accessory counter near the entrance for tee-shirts, condoms and pocket sized, battery operated devices in a variety of shapes and colors.

Timing his announcement in conjunction with the grand opening of the new pub, McGraw disclosed the winning entries for both floors of the pub this past Friday. The upper women's club will be known as "The Steam Box", while the lower men's club will carry a more traditional "pub" name called, "Harry McNadds".

Winners of the contest won their own special stool with inscribed brass plaque at the bar, free beer and batteries for life.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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