Tories Soliciting For Funds...Again!

Written by Brancastrian

Friday, 24 October 2008

image for Tories Soliciting For Funds...Again!

More accusations of "Tory Sleaze" erupted today when it emerged prominent Conservative MP's had been seen openly taking and receiving money over the last few days.

A Member of the Shadow Cabinet was seen quietly and anonymously taking money from what is believed to be a hidden contact point near Westminster.

Full time snoop and Daily Mirror reader Madge Saddle said she witnessed him approach a space in a wall and secretly punch some numbers into a keypad that had been installed there. Saddle continues, "...I couldn't believe it-the Tories must have some sort of illicit cash den. I saw the man tap these numbers out, wait, and then, without warning, a number of £10 notes were passed out of the wall to him. Without looking away, he took them, put them in his wallet and walked away-how can we trust these people to form a Government when they are doing this?.."

Saddle showed where this cash donation had taken place. It did indeed, appear to be a small, recessed area within a wall, that contained what looked like a numerical keypad and screen. We tried to enter a combination of numbers but were unable to access any cash, and, after a while, a Policeman came along and asked us to move along or we would be arrested.

"They obviously operate this thing with a secret code" said Saddle, who also said that the policeman was "...probably a Tory spy".

Earlier in the day, another prominent Tory had been seen at a checkout in Waitrose. According to wino Derek Belch, the person at the checkout had said a "secret" word, known only to Tory MP's, " sounded like 'cashback?'" said Belch, "...the MP said 'yes, £40 please', and she just got £40 out of the till and gave it to him. Astonishing, they are doing this right under people's noses..."

Labour MP's are set to ask for an enquiry into this latest evidence of the Tories seeking funding, one Cabinet minister today saying that it "couldn't be allowed to continue". As with the secret panel in the wall, your sleaze busting reporter later approached a member of staff in the supermarket, to see if "cashback" was widely available, only to be met with silence and asked "if you have bought anything?"

"Typical" said Saddle, when told this, "more evidence of cash in exchange for goods".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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