Some girls are bigger than others

Written by Kent Pete

Sunday, 29 June 2008


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Results of a Mori Poll claim that most British men prefer a 'Fat Fern' to a 'Fit Fern'.

In a survey due to be published tomorrow 82% of males said that telly's madcap funstress Fern Britton had lost her sex appeal since losing an incredible 10 stone in weight.

In a typical response ex footballer and successful businessman Sir Geoff Hurst, 67 told our reporter: "What a shame that Fern didn't believe in herself. She used to be so sexy giggling away on the couch, showing off her café latte's. I'd often spend the morning thrashing away at the old lad trying to catch a glimpse of her awesomeness. What will I do now? I can't spend the whole summer hoping that Lucy Alexander is going to co host 'Under the Hammer'. When are women gonna learn. Men like curves. I think it must go back to our Neanderthal past but don't ask me to explain that, I'd be totally out of my depth" (*)

It appears that losing her sex appeal is not Britton's only problem. Bosses on 'This Morning' are said to be furious that the presenter kept her gastric band op a secret until it was exposed last week. An ITV spokesman confirmed: "It is true her contract is under review. The Ant and Dec fiasco has made the station very sensitive to criticism. It was one thing having Judy Finnigan admitting to having a love of all things canine but Fern held a special place in viewer's hearts. People trusted her implicitly and unfortunately that trust has been lost"

Ms Britton was unavailable for comment.

(*) Geoff Hurst would like it to be known that he is happily married to his wife Judith and that sex still plays an important part in their relationship.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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