London - (Ass Mess): Diana was no drunk, Lord Justice Scott Baker ruled today. And although her judgement was clearly flaky about shagging so many desperate no-hoper wannabes this could easily be explained by the laws of natural attraction between men and women.
"We know from the prenup she signed that she was always going to make her wedding vows with her fingers crossed behind her back," Scott Baker added.
"And lord knows she may have enjoyed the odd tipple or two during that marriage from hell, as well as later.
"Who could blame her. I ask you."
In his official summing up the royal coroner also recapped evidence that Mohammed Fayed had been stalking Diana for a good decade "to get his filthy little paws on her loot".
"Who was more desperate for yet another shotgun wedding for the Puppet Monarchy's little minx - the Fayed family or Princess Di herself?"
Scott Baker's summing up continues.