London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Former Pakistani cricket hero Imran Khan has testified at the Princess Diana inquest and has blamed former England rugby captain Will Carling for the break-up of their amour.
Khan, 69, said that in 1993 the tryst had been running along nicely with twice-weekly shags in the back of the Buck House Daimler, dinner on Mondays at Kensington Palace and regular joint work-outs at the Chelsea Harbor correctional facility...er, sports gymnasium.
"And then Carling burst in on the scene, with his massive fifteen inch penis and the physical stamina of Cassius Clay," Khan moaned via the courtroom video-link.
"I was utterly stuffed, M'Lord."
Khan decribed the elaborate pretence the couple had originally used to hide their romance including the choice of a spoiler - Pakistani heart-surgeon Hasnat Khan - to throw reporters off the scent.
"All that proved to be a waste of time once Will Carling got his hook in," Khan wept.
"Months of precision disinformation down the drain when she dumped me for the rugby hunk."
The inquest continues.