London - (Turncoat Mess): Princess Diana was a KGB stooge whose heroin addiction and predilection for screwing dodgy Mossad plants like Paul Burrell and James Hewitt quickly outed her espionage activities security service top brass told the royal inquest.
"We didn't need to keep tabs on her, M'Lud," a former MI5 operations director said via videolink today, "because Mossad was doing a perfectly adequate job tailing her dealers and leaking her every move."
The inquest heard how the feckless natural daughter of George Bush Senior and Lady Falkender - nee Marcia Williams, secretary to UK PM Harold Wilson - had been shoehorned into the Spencer family after the original Diana died in mysterious circumstances aged circa seven.
"We had a right laugh toppling Harold Wilson's government back in '76 when Bush attempted a military coup that would have made his birth mother - the CIA/Mossad double agent impersonating the Queen Mother - Queen Regnant," the ex-top spook added.
"Then we slowly cooked Bush's own goose when he became Ronnie Raygun's Veep in 1980, and proceeded to persuade Diana to marry Charles," the source continued.
"With her DNA we knew it was only a matter of time before she screwed herself into some fetid corner.
"According to latest figures the tally is now twelve CIA agents, nineteen Mossad/KGB operatives, thirty two assorted Hellfire Club mercenaries, Will Carling, Teddy Forstmann and 90% of central London heroin dealers.
"Why don't you subpoena Al Gore if you really want a second opinion?"
