Lack Of Bridgend Hangings Means Town Is Improving, Says WTB

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 13 March 2008


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Bridgend: They'll be jumping in here next

A distinct lack of any significant hangings in the Welsh town of Bridgend recently, is an indicator of just how far the town has come in such a short space of time, and how safe and idyllic it now is, says a report by the Welsh Tourist Board out today.

Bridgend hasn't seen a hanging for more than a month, and is now considered by many local residents to be no more depressing than Cardiff, or any more dangerous than the Gaza Strip. Local estate agents have reported a 500% increase in enquiries from potential property buyers outside the Bridgend area. It's been a long struggle though.

Police say there has been "a tangible lull in hangings or suicides of any kind" since the area became famous at the start of the year, for being the place where residents just can't stand to go on living.

Sergeant Dai Davies of Powys Police said:

"The community has gathered together in its collective misery, and has managed to emerge from these dark times with a sense of togetherness. We think we've turned the corner."

The town's Chav contingent were of the same opinion. Davy Davies, 14, was upbeat as he told our reporter:

"It's absolutely lovely round 'ere now. All pretty flowers, and birds twittering in the trees. I don't feel like 'anging myself anymore."

Not all Bridgend residents agreed though. Ivor Davies, 98, who has lived in the town all of his life, thought it was too early to judge, saying:

"You never what's going to be around that corner, Boyo."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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