Wednesday, 12 March 2008

image for Duffy admits she has never been to Rockferry
Duffy in her video for Rockferry

Sixties pastiche Duffy has admitted that she's never been to Rock Ferry, nor has she any intention of going there in the future.

The pint sized welsh warbler, currently occupying the top of the charts in England, Wales and Jersey, sings: "I move to Rockferry" in the title track from her debut album Rockferry.

The video to the song shows her supposedly at Rock Ferry Train station, but we can exclusively reveal that it was shot in a hired film studio in North London, using state of the art green screen compositing techniques.

Rock Ferry, a small coastal town with a population of 9,000, situated near Liverpool, is an unlikely place for a pop star to live. Geoffrey Boggis, of the Rock Ferry Neighborhood Watch Scheme says: "I know most of the people from round these parts, and no-one I know has ever heard of her. I'm sure she never lived here."

Boggis, 91, continued: "We did have a Duffy come here once, but that was Patrick Duffy, the bloke from Dallas - and he didn't stay very long. Oh, and that pop music bloke Stephen 'Tin Tin' Duffy - he came to stay here once. Funny bloke - looked like a queer to me, with his long hair and that."

When questioned over this, Duffy, 12, shouted: "So f***** g what? Charlene used to sing 'I've been to paradise' but there's no way she has. Did she get any stick over it? And what about that bloke that used to sing 'I've been to Button Moon?' No he f***ing hasn't - there's no such place."

Duffy then bellowed: "If I had actually been there, then I probably would have been able to spell it properly. And anyway, from what I've been told, its a right shithole, full of inbreds and weirdos."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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