London - (Ass Mess): MI5 has warned today that over 100 Russian spies working in London for ex-Saudi ambassador to the USA Prince Bandar are to be booted out of town next week and sent back on the first plane back to Minsk.
London has become saturated with these sub-moronic species of spooks whose own cover stories have been of such poor quality that many have been outed by London locals - such a laundromat ladies, fish and chip shop owners and massage parlor proprietors - with absolutely no knowledge of international espionage.
Earlier this month the 'suicide' of Egyptian-born KGB/Mossad double agent Ashraf Marwan was quickly identified by UK anti-terror cops as a typical Russian espionage assasination after traces of strychnine-laced caviar were found implanted in the deceased's rectum.
"This is one of their favorite sex-aids," a police source said today, "because in small doses it reputedly enhances orgasm by a factor of 20,"
A senior cop said of the Marwan killing discovery today: "Everybody knows that particular brand of caviar is only available directly from Russia and the strychnine we found could only have been manufactured by the Russian National Poisons Unit factory. QED!"
Another suicide in the capital of debauched German playboy Cunt (sic) Gottfried Von Bismarck from a suspected heroin overdose was also subsequently identified as a typical Russian espionage operation after the FSV's Andrei Lugovoi was found to have ordered the Plutionium 210 poisoning of Von Bismarck's chum Alex Litvinenko in November last year.
UK spooks' top brass are said to be pretty pissed off with the constant machinations of the Russian spies who were allowed to proliferate under Tony Blair in order to protect Russian President Vlad 'The Imapaler' Putin's father Pope Joseph Ratzinger.
"We're cheesed off with the whole disgusting business," they said today.
