Fat people to feed the world

Written by theboot

Thursday, 12 July 2007

image for Fat people to feed the world
A pie. Similar to those eaten by fat people.

Radical new plans to halt Third World hunger were unveiled by Oxfam today. The British-based charity has proposed exporting large quantities of grossly obese men and women to areas where food is currently too scarce to support the population.

A spokeswoman for Oxfam, Doris Vadge, claimed the measure would halve global cases of malnutrition in under-fives "within months". Ms Vadge continued, "fat people are a huge drain on a country's resources and in Britain alone they already cost the NHS over £5000bn a year, not to mention the fact that they take up two beds each."

"We plan to 'harvest' their excess body fat and distribute it to villages in the worst-hit areas. For example, the blubber from the beer gut of a 50 year-old man could feed a family of six. And taking the wobbly bits from the buttocks and thighs of a bored housewife could keep an entire tribe going for months."

According to Ms Vadge, there are no losers because the fat people will return home in much better shape than when they left. And even if they do pile on the pounds again they could always be shipped out again.

Ms Vadge added, "fat people are a precious resource that we must use wisely if we are to preserve the planet for future generations."

Rumours that celebrity gutbucket Jade Goody has already leant her weight to the scheme have so far proved unfounded.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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