Near Death Experience Proves Eric Clapton is God

Thursday, 12 July 2007

image for Near Death Experience Proves Eric Clapton is God
And God laid down some mean riffs

London, England (IP) - Spoof scientists have proven beyond the shadow of any doubt what many have suspected all along and that is that there really is a god and his name is Eric Clapton. The scientists had attached electrical probes onto the brain of an accident victim. The wires were then connected to a computer. They could then monitor everything that the man saw as he expired.

The first thing that became visible was the man looking down at himself as he lay on the hospital gurney and all of the people at his side. The field of vision then rotated 180 degrees and there before him was the opening to a great light bathed tunnel that seemed to strecth forward a great distance. The sides of the tunnel appeared to pass by at an accelerating pace and the light ahead became brighter and brighter.

Finally the man floated out of the tunnel and before him golden gates opened and he found himself standing before an open book. Light appeared to come from everywhere and there were no shadows cast. His life history was quickly reviewed and he glided effortlessly to a second set of white gates which opened before him.

The next thing to appear was Eric himself. He was dressed in white bell bottoms and wore a golden glittering shirt and he was playing some songs that none of us had ever heard. His guitar was a white Stratocaster and a bank of white Marshall amplifiers with golden dials and logos
issued forth new versions of one-four-five blues progressions intended only for heavenly ears. Present in Heaven were people who died in the future as well as the past. Dogs were everywhere as well as other beloved pets. To the right of Clapton sat Peter Townshend and he was playing incredible rhythm guitar. Peter Moon was playing the drums and John Entwhistle was on bass. Beautiful female angels were everywhere.

A red glow appeared in the distance and with very little effort the recently departed gentleman was able to glide over and look down into what appeared to be a sort of well. The explanation for the red glow became apparent in that the "well" was actually a lens-like object or eyepiece of large diameter. The inferno of hell was clearly visible. Inside the new arrival to heaven could see people milling about with great anxiety and pain on their faces. He could see people who had died in the past as well as in the future. Among them were Saddam Hussein, a false prophet whose name we won't reveal out of fear of stirring up tantrums among those whose religion is so weak that it can not withstand close scrutiny nor criticism nor humor. Jerry Falwell was there as were almost every politician, doctor and lawyer who ever lived. The hot place was also full of military men. Michael jackSIN and O.J Simpson were smoking.

Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, Castro, Che Guevarra, G.W. Bush and other despots were all located in what appeared to be a much warmer area than where the other folks were located.

Before long someone tapped on new the heavenly arrival's shoulder - it was Porky Pig - he said, "ahh , badeeah, badeeah, badeeah, ah let's get bababack to the cacaconcert - your mamamissing out on some great riffs.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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