The Child Support Agency today announced the formation of a special "Cold Case Files" department. It will consist of a number of temporary units tasked with researching and finding missing spouses or partners for financial support of children.
The first such unit was formed today at the CSA Canterbury office and will be under the command of Lead Agent Archie Bishop. On behalf of a Mr J. Christ also known as The Son of God, the unit will be trying to recover over 2,000 years of non paid child support.
In a statement Archie Bishop of Canterbury said: "It was first brought to our attention a number of years ago that Mr Christ may be owed some back child support but he was reported as deceased so the file was closed. It has since been disclosed that Mr Christ has in fact risen from the dead and so the file has been reactivated.
"Initial investigations into the location of God have given such locations as in the laugh of a child, the smell of new cut grass and in the majesty of the sky at night but a definitive place has not been found. Additional children of God have also now come to light and the unit is also searching for the first born Adam and a female accomplice Eve.
"Suggestions that in fact we are all children of god are being looked into but the unpaid child support for countless billions would make this the CSAs largest ever case.
"We are all hoping for an amicable settlement of this ongoing case and ask that God get in touch with our office and answer our prayers."
Further special units are being formed and will be acting at the behest of Old mother Hubbard and The Old Lady who Lives in a Shoe. One unit has since been disbanded as it transpired that Mother Earth and Mother Nature were in fact one and the same person and could be attempting a fraudulent claim.
The public are asked to keep a lookout for God and if they find Him and He enters their lives please inform Archie Bishop of Canterbury, Lead Agent of the God Squad.
As a further request the CSA are asking for information on Old Father Time believed to be responsible for the birth of a New Year every January.
