Written by Hugh Plonnka

Monday, 18 June 2007

image for MP in call for Speed Camera "Cull"

London, Monday - Conservative MP, and shadow Transport secretary, Cameron David has called for a "cull" of speed cameras on UK roads following figures released on Monday morning.

In an impromptu interview outside his home in Buckinghamshire, David was asked for his opinions on a proposed badger cull to prevent the outbreak of bovine tuberculosis, but astonishingly turned it round to a rant about speed cameras.

"If this Government needs to cull anything, it's the speed cameras.

"My wife and I were involved in an accident yesterday, and it was through no fault of my own, or my wife's, as she wasn't driving," David said.

When quizzed on the circumstances surrounding the accident, David continued "I was following one of those Rovers - one of those they tried to make look like a poor man's Jaguar - through a village, and we were sticking to the 30 miles per hour speed limit.

"The next thing I know, there's a speed camera ahead, and this chap in front of me hasn't seen it.

"Then his wife apparently told him about it, and even though we were doing the speed limit, his natural reaction was to put his foot on the brake, and I go ploughing into the back of him.

"This man is typical of drivers on UK roads - they see a speed camera, and then brake. And yesterday it caused me an accident, for which LEGALLY I am at fault I hasten to add."

Statistics released on Monday revealed that there are over 120,000 accidents caused by people "over braking at speed cameras" whereas only 33,000 accidents have been "prevented as a result of a speed camera being in-situ at a location".

Unofficial figures show that speed cameras are officially the largest single cause of accidents on UK roads.

Lobby groups urged drivers and dog walkers alike to cover speed cameras with "towels, sheets, old pillow cases, anything like that" as they drove, or walked, past.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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