Tinkerbell Hilton Petition

Funny story written by anemi

Friday, 11 May 2007

Nobody has given consideration to Paris Hilton's Chihuahua, Tinkerbell during these trying times. Drunk driving affects everybody. Please take a moment to read and sign the following
Petition to Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Your help is needed and appreciated. PETITION

The petition


The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger:

Tinkerbell The Chihuahua Hilton is a naturalized American dog just like you, and is therefore used to being with celebrities and socialites. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton, and has got Howard Weitzman working on O. J. Simpson, Ron Goldman, and Science Diet. She provides hope for the shut-in all over the U.S. and has a genuine love for the world once known as Pluto. She provides nervous shaking and excrement to (most of) our otherwise rather dog-eat-poison lives.

Tinkerbell Hilton is notable for her leading role on the Today Show for viciously attacking the producer whilst being led on the set, and making headlines for a week by straying around the Hollywood Hills dodging unemployed peeps in search of the unbelievably low $5000 reward. In addition to her work as a lap warmer and Louis Vuitton filler, she has achieved some recognition as once overweight and dumped by her Mom causing an understandable stir amongst Animal Rights Groups.

As most of America now knows, Tinkerbell's Mom was just charged in a Los Angeles court with DUI and sentenced to 45 days in Century Regional Detention Facility in California beginning on or before June 5, 2007 with no rewards points program. Only a stay at a Hilton Hotel could be worse.

We, the American public who have never met Paris and are unlikely to, are not shocked, nor dismayed or appalled by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. We do support drunk driving and DUI charges, and agree she will be the perfect poster thingy. Paris should not have slobbered. But she shouldn’t get plowed so often neither, at least not in this Country.

As depicted on many episodes of the Westminster Dog Show re-run on TV at least 20 times a year, countless dog celebrities have been “slapped on the butt� for similar incidents. Most notably, Bill Cosby's dog; Harry, to name one, who was a favorite and blew the whole thing, and Harry's Dad got arrested for something else worse I think, mebe, so never did a day in jail for drunk driving /DUI /DWI charges as far as I know. Rapper Snoop Dog and Glammer Boy George still walk free after both being arrested for all kinds of junk, mostly involving something to do with collars which is kinda the same charges as Paris got just this past week, right? I mean the people at Menu Foods and that Cheezeball Dick van Patten who makes that gawd awful eraser tasting Natural Balance dog food have been sighted loose all over the place poisioning all kinds of pets likely due to their drinking while driving, and I don't see anybody dusting off Eric Estrada and getting him back on a hog with the rest of the CHiPs to keep us Chihuahuas safe!

Yet, Paris Hilton did not hurt, injure, or kill anyone or anything, and yet she must do jail time, just because some mean judge saw a train wreck about to happen, and really only did what he did so he could get a standing motivation at his church. I'm unsure, but I do not believe this is a sihn seen in the book of Mormon, and if Al Sharpton will stop blabbing, I'll ask.

This petition is to ask Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger not to pardon Paris Hilton for her mistakes. Chihuahuas deserve better. Please beg her to her to get a career and a semi-charmed kind of life, because I really like that song and wish Third Eye Blind would get off their butts and do something new. People make mistakes - Chihuahuas generally are house-trained. She could have hurt or killed anybody's Chihuahua which, as I have already shown, she was working on me, and, and she never wears underwear anymore which will be a lesson to change in prison. She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court, just like Elliott Mintz told her to do, and it should have worked, but didn't, so then Elliott joined the abused by getting fired I think yesterday. She is distraught and understandably afraid of becoming a Xeroxed copy of her mother running a little low on toner thanks to her father.

WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT to save other Chihuahuas from ending up at the Century Regional Pound! Chihuahuas were meant to be free just like the rest of Mexico! Please sign to tell The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of the State of California, to think about the welfare of Tinkerbell and her Mom, this not so young woman who has made a mortal error and deserves a first spanking like so many others in our great nation have been served with after a mistake they have made . If the late former (is this redundant?) President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late bloomer President Richard Nixon after his mistake of making that lame Checkers speech(s), we undeniably support Paris Hilton saying pardon moi in France which is an honest mistake of a place for Paris as well, and we hope and expect The Governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to Ms. Tinkerbell The Chihuahua Hilton.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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